my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
