ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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