there's paper in my vomit.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
