two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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