my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
