i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
