The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
