I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
