is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
