return my video game
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
