i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
