He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize