so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
