I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
