She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
