it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
