No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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