dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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