69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
