Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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