There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
