Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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