I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize