Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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