I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
