I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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