i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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