I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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