Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
