He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
