Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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