I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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