i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
