That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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