Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
