in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
