i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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