I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
