well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
