i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize