After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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