i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
