i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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