My liver just broke up with me...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was born a porn star she said
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
