nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
