I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
