Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize