her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
