Since when is my name a synonym for head?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
