Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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