I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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