Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
