Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
