Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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