Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
