I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
