There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
