You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
