All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
