the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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