if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
