I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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