So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize