Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
